Sad for you, Kristen Adam.
I realise we can't all be glamorous lovelies like myself, but must you resort to common thievery and, frankly, out-loud hilarious hyperbole to make yourself feel less common than you clearly are?
Professor at London University. Pfft. As if anyone worth her salt would ever ruin a perfectly good manicure studying heart surgery.
As a special pressie, I will give to you the advice The Old Bat gave to me back in my terrible, dark Spencer days of yore.
Get your SHIT together, girl.